Dear Me...

I have a few things to say and this seems to be the only way you'll listen.

This has to stop. Waging war on yourself is two things. Dumb and dumber. The only person it hurts is you.

I don't even understand it. You would open your heart for a thousand strangers, ignore aspects of them that you consider the most heinous flaws in yourself, and try to love them all.

Listen, girlie. There is no such thing as a perfect person. Don't strive towards that imagined ideal. Sure, grow, change, mature, learn, experience! Do that! Don't try to be a cookie-cutter. You're not cookie cutter crazy hair.

I wish you would embrace who you are. You're playful and sweet, trying to do the right thing and wanting everyone to love you. You know they won't. Yet still you try. Let it go, because if they don't love everything you are, they're not worth it.And the people that you love that love you are priceless without measure. No reason not to be pleasant though!

You are not a failure at anything. So you tried some relationships, some different types of work and they didn't work out. 99% of these things don't amount to a lasting love or career. Be proud. You're being proactive about a future career. You let yourself open up to loving someone else. That's more than many are capable of. Don't lose that beguiling innocence and hope for the best in others. Some people will let you down - many won't.

You haven't forgotten your dreams. They're in your plans as you take on the responsibility of being an adult - you're honouring your parents and making sure you don't have to rely on them to bail you out. You're just doing it with more understanding behind you.

Don't forget that you're beautiful. You have a great smile, and warm gorgeous eyes, and curves that many find sexy. Look hard at that picture in the top right hand corner. That's the girl you are and you're letting some silly outdated hang-ups get in the way. You are working hard to make yours a healthier figure, and if you fall off the horse sometimes, so what? It's a hard ride and you can pick yourself up and try again. Again, be proud of your achievements. You're more than 10 kilos from your worst weight and that wasn't so hard was it?

You are fallible. Sometimes you will not be there for someone who needs you. Sometimes you will not be the best you can be. You can only say sorry, and do better tomorrow. There may be someone better than you than many - but you know, what? You are good at so many things and that is not an excuse for giving up.

Only thing you need to do now is focus. You just need to be yourself. And to stop knocking your sweet self down, because there are more than enough sad people in the world who will try to do it for you.

Have a little faith, a little patience (not your strong point I know) and a little hope.

I love you girl. Try and remember this when you're weak. But remember I will never stop fighting for you.

Love, You